Back in 1974, psychologists Donald Dutton and Arthur Aron conducted an experiment, a meet-cute with a psychological twist.
Men crossed either a sturdy bridge or a high, swaying suspension bridge. Midway, they met a female interviewer who gave them her number after having filled out the questionnaire. The men who’d crossed the frightening bridge were more likely to contact her.
The theory? Their racing hearts and rush of adrenaline may have been mistaken for sexual attraction. Psychologists coined this the misattribution of arousal. For obvious health and safety reasons, we aren’t recommending a rickety bridge as a dating strategy.
But the premise intrigues, especially in October, when being scared is practically a seasonal hobby. We queue for haunted houses, watch terrible decisions escalate in horror films, and willingly strap our emotions in for the ride.
From adrenaline to emotional resonance
In a widely discussed interview on The Diary of a CEO, psychiatrist Dr Alok Kanojia, commonly known as Dr K, discusses empathic resonance as an important part of romantic attraction. It’s a feeling of being on the same emotional wavelength as another person, of sharing an experience together and relating in real time.
When someone mirrors your energy, whether you’re experiencing a positive or sad emotion, it helps you to feel seen and understood. That sense of emotional safety helps you relax, lower your guard, and open yourself up to connection.
Less performing, more connecting
This feels particularly relevant in an age of algorithmic dating, criteria cross-checks, and dopamine on demand. Dr K’s perspective invites us to shift from performance to presence. Instead of assessing whether someone ticks all the boxes, what if we focused on how we feel in their company? This might be just the nudge we need to get more creative with our dating routines.
Rather than another sterile interview across a table, try a setting that gives you something to experience together. A comedy night, pottery class, cheese tasting, or a little playful competition can create opportunities to share a moment, not just exchange information.
And a spooky walking tour this Halloween? Consider it a field experiment in attraction. Peer review over drinks afterwards.
Words: Katy Pannocchia