We spend an extraordinary amount of time thinking about how to regulate our bodies: how much we eat, when we eat, what gives us energy, and what leaves us feeling sluggish. We now know that wellbeing isn’t about eliminating pleasure or following a perfect formula. It’s about balance, variety, and knowing what makes us feel good.
What if we brought the same thoughtfulness to our emotional nourishment?
In dating, we can become attached to being stirred up: the butterflies, the adrenaline, the tension, and the reward of being desired. Like a craving, that urgency can become compelling.
We mistake activation for evidence of compatibility
The word chemistry is often reduced to the pull we feel towards someone. But chemistry is more than the intensity of one person’s attraction. In relationship theory, it can be understood as something that develops between people: through mutual interest, responsiveness, synchrony, and the way two people come to experience one another.
Choosing comfort at the expense of excitement
We can want novelty and anticipation while allowing consistency and security to become part of the experience. When we’re accustomed to uncertainty, its absence can initially feel like a loss of chemistry, because there’s less adrenaline in the mix. That doesn’t mean the connection is lacking. It may mean we’re experiencing attraction without the anxiety that amplified it. A relationship can feel safe without feeling bland just as a gradual beginning can leave room for desire to develop as two people discover one another. If satisfying a craving doesn’t always mean we’re truly nourished, perhaps attraction deserves the same distinction.
Does the relationship leave us depleted or energised? More anxious or more at ease? Are we curious about the person, or simply caught up in the excitement of being desired? Noticing the difference between what satisfies us now and what sustains us long-term can reveal what we really need from a relationship.
At Ivy Relations, this is where our work begins: understanding the partnership in which someone can feel attracted and fulfilled, and using that insight to make introductions with real potential.
Words by Katy Pannocchia